I need a little help…I’m stuck on a scene in Crashed…

I need a little help…I’m stuck on a scene in Crashed…

So I’m working on a scene in Crashed…but I keep getting stuck on the arrangement of words…do you think this sounds all right?

________________________

I have to remind myself to breathe.

Have to force the thought into my head because she’s just singlehandedly ripped apart and pieced me back together simultaneously. And yet the sight of her has left me raw and abraded with tomorrows that will never be.

That I can never get back.

That were never mine to keep.

________________________

Hmmmm…not sure. I guess I’ll keep it in there and see how the rest of the scene plays out…

20 Comments

  1. he line sounds fine to me. Perhaps I may take out a few of the words. But that I’d just me. If I had more in the story to ho on. Can’t wait for crashed.

  2. oh you teaser you

  3. Need more 🙂

  4. My only thought is how do you get back a tomorrow that has yet to come to be?? Your writing is amazing!!!

  5. sounds ominous!

  6. Does seem to be missing something, but not sure what. See how it reads after you add to the scene.

  7. Such a tease!!!!!!!! WTH!!!! *sighs loudly* keep writing, my mind is all over the place now.

  8. Sounds great……I think I'd be able to give a better opinion with a few (thousand) more words;)

  9. OH. FUCKING. MY!!

  10. K… You are such a tease.. Bad girl.. LOL love it!

  11. WTF!!!!!! You know what you're doing……leave us hanging like that, you're a bad girl!!!

  12. sounds great !! but WTF a little scared here lol …just sayin !!

  13. OMG….it sounds awesome!!!….I can't wait I'm so excited!

  14. Why has that got me worried? I just want a HEA especially after the cliffhanger of all cliffhangers… come on superheros work your magic 🙂

  15. Perhaps

    Breathe.

    I have to force …

    But I do love what you have.

  16. Such a tease! Just in time to make sure we fall asleep dreaming if Colton … sigh

  17. Kristy you are an evil genius girl! Love it

  18. Hmmmm, creates a little anxiety. If that was the goal, you nailed it!! Lol. Kidding……..sounds great!

  19. You enjoy teasing us!

  20. Totally a tease OMG! I couldn't wait before, now I'm just ripping hairs outta my head slowly! lol Sounds good to me girl!

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